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Parenting Your Adopted Older Child: How to Overcome the Unique Challenges and Raise a Happy and Healthy Child Review

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We adopted a four-year-old boy from Russia during the middle part of last year, and, of course, we faced many of the challenges that other families encounter in building trust, establishing a bond, integrating a new family member, and so forth. Having nearly survived the difficult early period, we were recommended this book by our social worker as something of interest to parents in our situation.
I found this book to be okay: helpful on the diagnosis side, but not so helpful on the resolution side.
As with other books about parenting, it does to tend to present issues more in the light of nightmare scenarios (exaggerating what most parents encounter, which is not to say that some parents don't encounter situations just like those presented, of course).
It's nice that the book immeidately goes beyond the catch-all rubric of "attachment problems", a phrase that is uselessly vague and helplessly non-specific. Our son faced (and continues to face) a number of challenges that this book does help identify (sexual abuse, abandonment, language skills, etc.) and categorizing the different kinds of issues in their own framework is a huge benefit.
It then proceeds to give bullet-point ways to try and address the situations. This is not an entirely satisfactory. Instead of seeming surefooted, these come across more like folk remedies (with no measure of success, no case studies showing whether something is working or showing lack of progress as well). Some things just seem like they are thrown out because they worked for the author. For example, why is it that giving your child a massage is a constant suggestion? I mean, yes, by all means, use physical contact as appropriate, but really now... family foot massage time is such a specific recommendation. It seems like the suggestions could use more polish.
I found a lot of the suggestions to be rather indistinctly delivered as well. Having validated one's observations (or stirred one's fears) there is relatively little material on how to work on various problems.
I don't know how things will ultimately work out for our family, of course. I like to think that, for the most part, we have the issues under control and are creating a happy, safe environment for our son. This book in many ways recognizes the challenges this presents and is valuable in helping identify challenges that might otherwise go unnoticed. But it is not so helpful in resolving the problems. For that other books might be more suitable.

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Posted in: adoption, adoption books, attachment, family relationships, fetal alcohol, foster care adoption, household hints, older child adoption, toddler adoption