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Raising a Son: Parents and the Making of a Healthy Man Review

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I bought this book a few years ago when my first son was on the way, but never got around to reading it until now when he's five with a little brother padding around behind him. It's only now that 'my eldest' is expressing his independence in more sophisticated ways that have my wife and I wondering whether we've got this parenting thing working all right. What I found most helpful in this book is the structure and perspective it provides for raising a son at various stages of his development. One of the hardest things I've found as a parent is deciding just how much to expect from a child. Is my son being clever and manipulative or is he being sincere when he offers up his alibis and excuses? How strict should we be without undermining his self-confidence? In this area, 'Raising a Son' helps by reviewing the major phases in a boy's psychological and physical growth and offering counsel on how parents can help the boy face the challenges of growing up. The book also provides some interesting insight into how our own (parents') childhood carries into our parenting of children. All in all, these sections of the book are concise and rewarding.
The book runs through a section on 'cultural influences', which, if you read behind the over-simplification (and some statements that, for me at least, sounded a bit too much like liberal social mantras), makes some valid points. I disagree that previous societies (hunter-gatherer, agricultural, etc.) were generally better for raising a son in than ours. Nonetheless, in our technological age, we do have to come to grips with changing roles, aspirations, and expectations among men and women and with massive competition for our children's attention from all sorts of media. In dealing with this dilemma, 'Raising a Son' again provides some perspective for gradually strengthening a son's ability to deal with this world (which naturally helps him deal with us when he hits his teens).
One particular note for single parents, divorced couples, or couples with 'problem children', since this book is written by family counselors, it does a very nice job of covering our modern variations on the family. This isn't just a 'how Ozzie and Harriett did it' kind of book. It covers a lot of real world challenges with numerous quotes from single moms, dads, divorcees and other who love their children, but face especially difficult circumstances.
So I recommend 'Raising a Son' as a good introduction and as a book you can turn to as your son grows older. For more detailed information, 'Raising a Son' also provides a helpful bibliography of other sources of information.

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