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Having a "special needs" child is an incredibly stressful ongoing event and something author Jeff Cohen knows well as the father of a child with Asperger Syndrome. In its simplest terms, Asperger Syndrome (AS) is a form of higher functioning autism. Instead of another book on how to help the child, Jeff Cohen looked at the often forgotten group in such situations: the parents. Parents, regardless of the child's disability, are often blamed by society for their child's problems and may not have the local support needed to deal with the issues. This book, as he notes in the first chapter, is designed to be a sort of portable support group for those days and times it all gets to be too much.
It will get to be too much at times as he writes in the second chapter, "Other Parents Think I'm A Monster." What parent of a special needs child hasn't gotten the LOOK from another parent or adult when his or her child acted way out of bounds in public? That look that says you aren't doing something right and why won't you stop the child now? Jeff Cohen relates his own experiences along with the guilt and shame one instantly feels as others pass judgment on your parenting skills without ever having spent a minute in your shoes. Something all parents of special needs children will relate to.
If one isn't careful that internal battle can spill over into the schools. In "The Debate Over Inclusion" he lays out the arguments on both sides of the issue regarding placement of AS children in the public school system and recounts how well his local school district has handled the situation. He shares coping skills concerning the school's staff decisions and how to best get the help the child needs without becoming adversarial.
What follows is maybe the most important chapter in the book, "Remember That Person You're Married To?" The author gently and with more anecdotes reminds the reader to pay attention to his or her spouse. The guilt and stress over having an AS child or any disabled child is heavy, and it is easy to blame the partner for the situation. One has to constantly remember that it isn't anyone's fault and to take time to keep the romance alive. The author advocates quite strongly that time alone together for the parents is vitally important not only to strengthen the relationship, but to be a better parent and happier person that it is better able to cope with the situation. This chapter contains a lot of good advice not only for AS parents but for everyone.
Jeff Cohen then goes on to cover how to deal with sibling rivalry, moments one dreads like eating out and going on vacation, how to deal with medication issues, and other topics. Through it all, the author shares his personal experiences both happy times and sad times as she shares hard earned insight from being there before much was known about the syndrome. It is a roller coaster ride and Jeff Cohen recounts it all along with providing a lot of good information.
The bottom line theme through out the work is directly expressed towards the end of the book, "Lighten Up On Yourself." Jeff Cohen's overall point is that none of it is your fault and you are going to make mistakes as an AS parent. Hopefully, the good will outweigh the bad which is the best any of us as parents can hope for whether our children have AS or not.Book Facts:
The Asperger Parent: How to Raise a Child With Asperger Syndrome and Maintain Your Sense of Humor
By Jeffrey Cohen
Autism Asperger Publishing Co.
www.asperger.net
Large Trade Paperback
ISBN # 1-931282-14-5
243 pages
$19.95Kevin R. Tipple © 2005

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Posted in: aspergers syndrome, autism, disabilities